Religion: The Sneaky Identity Thief

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that religion (especially high control religion) robs people of their identity. Each of us were created uniquely, in the image of God. We are all image bearers, yet we are diverse - both in appearance and in personality.

It’s unfortunate that a handful of verses are misused, and used to manipulate people into trying to become someone they’re not.

He must increase and I must decrease. John 3:30

I bet you’ve heard that verse preached in a way that made you feel like you couldn’t really be yourself, and that you needed to try to be less, take up less space, and deny your individuality. But that’s not at all what is being said in this verse. Not even remotely close.

This was written by John the Baptist, who was a forerunner for Jesus. In fact, you really need to start reading at least as early as verse 22 to get a good idea of what is going on here. Jesus had just begun his public ministry, and people were coming to John asking questions like, “Hey what do you think about this other guy? He’s baptizing people too!”

They came to John and said, “Rabbi, look! The man who was with you across the Jordan, the one about whom you testified, is baptizing and everyone is flocking to him.” John 3:26

John is saying that his ministry is decreasing because Jesus the Messiah is here and his ministry is increasing.

What about this one?

“I DIE DAILY!” I bet you’ve heard this verse preached before, as a scriptural example of how we have to shrink ourselves and “die” to our desires, but this is actually a terrible translation. Furthermore when you isolate this one sentence alone, you miss the context of Paul and the other disciples risking their lives and facing death daily.

Let’s look at a more accurate translation that more closely reflects what was being said in the original language.

Brothers and sisters, I swear by the pride I have in you in Christ Jesus our Lord, I’m facing death every day. 1 Corinthians 15:31, CEB

Paul actually wrote several of the Epistles (though not 1 Corinthians) from prison. The early church faced great persecution. Many of the disciples were martyrs. They faced actual death daily. This wasn’t some metaphor for stuffing down your own personality or individuality for Jesus.

Let’s do one more.

Have you ever been yelled at from a pulpit to crucify your flesh? If you’ve attended a church more than thrice, I bet you have!

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the self with its passions and its desires. Galatians 5:24 CEB

This verse has nothing to do with denying yourself of basic needs, punishing yourself, or hiding your unique personality or individuality. Crucifying the flesh/self, is about saying no to the temptation to be selfish, self centered, or self serving. Take a look at the context:

I say be guided by the Spirit and you won’t carry out your selfish desires. A person’s selfish desires are set against the Spirit, and the Spirit is set against one’s selfish desires. They are opposed to each other, so you shouldn’t do whatever you want to do. But if you are being led by the Spirit, you aren’t under the Law. The actions that are produced by selfish motives are obvious, since they include sexual immorality, moral corruption, doing whatever feels good, idolatry, drug use and casting spells, hate, fighting, obsession, losing your temper, competitive opposition, conflict, selfishness, group rivalry, jealousy, drunkenness, partying, and other things like that. I warn you as I have already warned you, that those who do these kinds of things won’t inherit God’s kingdom.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against things like this. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the self with its passions and its desires. Galatians 5:16-24

When you put the verse in context, it’s easy to see that this verse isn’t about hiding your individuality to become a religious clone.

Unfortunately, verses like this are taken out of context, and coupled with weird ideas about gender roles (that are not even biblical, but that’s a topic for another article), are drilled into those of us who grew up in the Christian church from a very young age.

If you’re like me, it wasn’t until later in life that you began rethinking some of these ideas. I just turned 40, and it’s only in recent years that I even began to really get in touch with who God created me to be. For most of my life, I worked really hard to become the “Good Christian Woman” that the Christian books and the women’s conferences told me I was supposed to be. But God isn’t calling us to become like a stereotype.

God didn’t create you with the personality you have, the talents, gifts and abilities that you have, by accident. You were created on purpose, for a purpose.

We’re called to be like Jesus. We’re called to yield the fruits of the Spirit in our lives. But that has nothing to do with denying ourselves the unique individuality of who God created us to be. Yes, our identity is found in Christ. But it’s also so much more than that. Our identity is a child of God, but that doesn’t need to result in uniformity or conformity to religious stereotypes. It’s fair to say that John (the one who said “He must increase and I must decrease”) wasn’t a conformist. The guy was fairly eccentric, and he definitely didn’t fit in with what would have been considered the “churchy” crowd.

If you grew up in the Christian church, there’s a good chance your background is a lot like mine, especially if your denomination was very legalistic or controlling with what people could or couldn’t do. If you are now in the process of finally discovering the you that God created you to be, you are not alone. So am I.

You are invited to a free live event, on February 6th at 4PM Eastern, hosted by Quoir Academy. Bruce Pagano is a therapist who specializes in religious trauma. At this live webinar, Who Am I? Discovering Yourself After Toxic Religion, Bruce will be equipping us with tools for rediscovering yourself, discussing emotional healing, and boundaries. This event is free, but you must register to attend. If you are busy at the time of the live airing, register anyways because you will receive an email with the replay link to watch at your convenience.

This webinar will be an amazing resource for those of us who are only now discovering who we are, after being raised in a high control religion environment.